Relief

Lately, I often catch myself thinking about dying. Not in the sense that I have a plan/intent to do away with myself in the near future, it's more along the lines of existential contemplation. That is, would it not be the greatest relief? To no longer think, worry, or feel? After all, one cannot feel depressed if one does not even exist.

As an Atheist, the idea of death is reassuring, saddening, and alluring all at once. When I think about dying, and leaving behind the people that I love, I feel an overwhelming sadness settle in my heart. To think that I will never see them again, laugh with them, tell them how much they mean to me causes me nearly as much sadness as the idea of the pain and loss they would feel if I were to die. However, it is also reassuring to know that this sadness I feel at the idea of dying will only exist so long as I exist. Once I die, I will no longer feel sorrow, or pain, or joy, or love.

I will feel nothing.

I will be nothing.

And therein lies the allure.