The straw that broke the dating-site-camel's back

=D you're funny, or something like that, and i'm pretty wasted... mheh nah i guess i'm just really caught a flu =_='' and so i'm up on saturday-morning ... aaaand i red 'london' at first ... and later it dawnend on my face, that 'london' isn't in friggin utah XD .. erm well anyways.. i was wondering what the frigg was going on in 'lindon' i mean seriously .... 'lindon' ?! .<''' ) but yeah.. just wondering.. hahahaha 'fellatio-list' NFC !! 0.0 i was also on one, long time ago ... *sigh... those where the times.. .. and and uh... what rpg'S are you playing? ö.ö p&p or just some final fantasy kind of shit ? btw, don'T get me wrong, the fifth part is one of the most amazing rom i ever came by.. but yeah.. nowadays FF sucks the big hairy meatball <.<'' imho
well, now i wanne get back to finishing my breakfast-joint. if my grammar isn't that bad ( i honestly don'T know, since english is only my third language <.<'') i would kinda guess i would enjoy a reply.

:D so long,
norb

The fact that (according to OKCupid) I have a 90% match rating with this person is enough to make me lose whatever small amount of faith I had in the match-making qualities of said dating site.

You know the best part about vibrators? They aren't human.

Wake me up when September ends

Every September, I have the unfortunate tendency to fall into the depths of a gripping depression, the likes of which would make even Sylvia Plath proud.

This marks the third year of it’s annual appearance. The thing is, I keep forgetting about it, so it’s always preset by a week or so where I can’t figure out what the fuck is wrong with me, or why I want to sleep ALL the goddamn time.

The glass half-full: Each time this happens, I get a little more self-aware about it. I know a bit more what to expect, and how to try and prevent it from getting too out of hand. The thing about depression though, is that no matter how aware you are during the whole process, it’s still fucking sucks. Just because you know you are depressed, doesn’t necessarily mean you can consciously make it go away. It just means you know what’s happening, you know it won’t last forever, and you know you’re not going to be a very fun person for the next little while. It’s kind of like a really awful period, except without the bleeding.

Well, unless you cut yourself. Which mine characteristically have a tendency to lead to. That’s when it gets out of hand for me. Generally, it’s just once, at the lowest point of the depression, but still, definitely something I’d like to avoid this go ‘round. This takes us to the obvious downsides of having depression.

The glass half-empty: My thoughts are indescribably negative whilst in the wonderland of depression. I become so incredibly critical of myself, that when I look in the mirror I start to dry-heave.

Oh yeah, it’s fun stuff.

Since September marks the start of school, my depression doesn’t do wonders for my desire to attend classes or finish assignments. (It’s undetermined whether my depression is caused partly from the start of school. I’ve never had a September free to test it, after all.) I start to criticize my lack of dedication, of passion, of drive I once had. I tell myself I’m not fooling anyone into thinking I belong in academia, and that I’m just wasting time and money in a field I don’t stand a chance in.

The me bashing doesn’t stop there. If I’m late for a meeting, I immediately assume I’m going to be fired for being the sort of employee that can’t balance school and work adequately. If the guy I’ve been flirting with doesn’t ask me out, I assume it’s because I’m fat, and unattractive and he’s out of my league.

You get the picture.

I promise, I’m not normally like this. It’s so weird to be AWARE that I’m not normally like this, and yet, be in the throes of THIS at the same time. The only comfort I can offer those of you who interact with me is that it will pass. It always does.

That said, you may want to avoid me for the duration of the month, because I also know that it’s only going to get worse, before it gets better.